#trust – It's Complicated

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October 20, 2018October 20, 2018 truthaboutlove13

We live in a generation where social media is a huge part of our lives. We spend our days scrolling through instagram, snapchat, and twitter because it helps us keep up with the world around us.

Because social media has become such an important aspect of our lives, it becomes a very significant part of our relationships. Our partners constantly want to be posted. They want the world to know that you’re with them, and no one else. Social media has become such an important factor in relationships, that if you aren’t being posted, or you’re not posting your partner, that’s a sign of infidelity. It’s ridiculous.

What are you hiding? You don’t want them to see you with me? Why is your snapchat story on custom?

And it’s not even just about what you post and not post with social media, it’s the content you “like” or “favorite” and the friends you have on these apps.

“Why did you favorite that?” For some reason, in many relationships we think that everything our partner does is a sign for something else. It could be completely unrelated, yet we still seem to connect dots and make it an issue of the relationship. We have given social media so much importance to the point where you must limit yourself and the things you may like because it may offend your partner in one way or another.

Why would anyone want that? The hassle of having someone constantly go through your likes and comments and make remarks on each and every one of them is irritating. With this, an app that was meant as a distraction or a pass time has become a foundation for arguments.

We are no longer focused on the intimacy and reality of relationships, instead we’re focused on what’s on their instagram. Social media could never reflect reality. A couple can look completely happy online, and be constantly arguing in person, but people don’t see this. This is something we ignore. It’s not how we feel, it’s how people see us.

You favorite and you like things that you may find funny, or interesting. But in a relationship that’s an “excuse”.

You don’t need that. Trust me you don’t. Enjoy the resources available to you, like social media, as much as you possibly could without limiting yourself to anyone. Relationships will force you to use social media in ways you may have never wanted to. You used it for fun, now you have to use it to prove to your partner that you’re all about them. You use to post funny memes all over your instagram, now every other post must be about your partner. You custom your snapchat story so your mother doesn’t see you out drinking on a school night, but now you have to set your settings to “Everyone can view” to satisfy your partner’s wishes. You stop yourself before liking a picture from an old friend because your partner may or may not take it the wrong way. You never know.

Moreover, some LAME significant other with trust issues may even make you delete your social media accounts, and have one themselves behind your back. They may even ask you to delete certain pictures that to them may be “too revealing” of yourself. DO NOT prioritize one insecure person’s selfish needs. DO NOT stop posting certain pictures if that is what makes you happy.

Social media in relationships is taken way too serious. You must constantly give explanations for EVERY.LITTLE.THING. Don’t waste your time posting someone who will probably end up hurting you. Post yourself, and whatever else you want. Many relationships, if not all, will come with this hassle.

LIFE IS SHORT, POST THAT PIC. LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP.

Revenge

October 7, 2018 truthaboutlove13

The worst part about relationships and betrayal is that it almost forces you to come out of character. When you have been hurt, you want the person who made you feel like that to experience the same hurt. So you plan and you contemplate.

You decide its best to take matters into your own hand because karma seems to be taking way too. Although it’s a pain you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy, for some reason, your heart almost forces you to act out and seek for ways for your pain to become theirs. It’s evil. Truly evil.

Thoughts like, what can I do? What’s the best way to hurt them? Mhm. They constantly run your mind. You begin to play with fire

You stop yourself, and think, I can’t do that. That’s not me. But even that won’t stop you from acts of rebellion.

So you do it. Your hurt forces you to come out of character. You do them exactly how they did you.

You’re just as bad as them. Many times we lose sight of our beliefs and morals because our hurt forces us to act in ways that would never cross our minds. After you act a certain way just to get revenge, many times it’ll leave you feeling much worse than you felt originally. It’s no longer a complicated relationship, where your partner is constantly messing up. It’s a cheating game.

Let’s play.

me-hes-playing-games-just-drop-him-inner-me-so-26589594 The moment where you begin to seek revenge, is the moment you lose everything. Let things go. Stay away from the relationship and simply walk away. Revenge is one acting out of anger. Many times, doing things you’ll regret. But, relationships will drive you to a mentality you never even knew you had. You’re angry and you’re upset and you don’t know how to control the situation. However, in seeking revenge you may feel a sense of power. You finally have control. Haha. It’s all in your head.

“While seeking revenge,

dig two graves – one for yourself”

-Douglas Horton

After you feel like you’ve gotten your revenge, you lay there and you think, was it worth it? Did coming out of character for your partner’s actions cause you any happiness? It’s already too late. You’re exactly like them. A mirror image. You’re no longer the victim.

It’s a terrible situation to be in. Trust me, stay away. Avoid it at all costs. As soon as you feel a relationship is almost forcing you to do things you would never normally do in the right state of mind, leave. Run, sis, run. It’s not a good feeling. It’s never a good idea to stoop down to someone’s level simply because you don’t agree with their actions. It’s hypocritical because at the end of the day, your hurt remains. What’s worse is the fact that although you’re sincerely hurt, it could never feel sincere because you have this “I did it too” mentality. You force yourself to believe that it’s ok. You’re even now.

Let karma take care of things. It’ll come to them. Revenge is never the answer. The best way to avoid it: stay away from your toxic relationship.

Betrayal

September 29, 2018September 29, 2018 truthaboutlove13

To feel like you have given someone your all, and it still wasn’t enough. It’s scary. It’s traumatizing. It’s a weird feeling because from that point on you begin to look at yourself different. And you begin to ask yourself questions that never crossed your mind, things such as: What was I missing?

The thing about betrayal is that often we find ways to blame ourselves. Many times, we begin to feel like our partners had a reason to do what they did. I can tell you that from experience. Five years into my relationship my partner cheated. And despite the fact that I knew that he messed up, I still found a way to convince myself that maybe it was the way I was acting. I thought to myself, maybe I argued too much and he finally hit his breaking point, or something along those lines. But what most people won’t accept is the fact that it is their partner’s fault. It has nothing to do with you. We often fall back into a trap of insecurities once we begin to find excuses for our partner’s actions.

Stop.

Accept the fact that they messed up, and stop looking for ways to convince yourself that you’re the one to blame.

Betrayal is always hard to understand. And the absolute worst part is that it comes from the person you confided in the most. You find out the person you trusted was keeping secrets all along and you ask yourself, who even is this person? When you think you know somebody, there’s always something that helps reveal their true colors. It hurts because it’s often unexpected. You begin to feel anger, resentment, and tears begin to fall out of your eyes in the most unexpected moments.

The agony of betrayal is often unbearable, and it is questionable whether there is a more brutal feeling. And sometimes, you feel like you’re finally over it. That you’ve overcome the situation, and suddenly, you’re broken again. You can go on pretending, but deep down in your heart, in your mind, your thoughts, your hurt, will always be there, and you will always remember.

Rising from betrayal may be the absolute hardest part. If this person felt I wasn’t good enough, who should I become? What can I do to make myself better? It hurts because at this point, you feel like you can never be your true self. You feel like that person wasn’t good enough. So you find ways to manipulate your character in a way where you begin to lose focus of your own identity because you are so determined to fit someone else’s standards.

And that’s not the way it should be. You shouldn’t feel like you have to be someone else in a relationship. Overcome betrayal without changing yourself. The problem was never you. Find a relationship that helps you grow, and not one that makes you question yourself by building blocks of insecurities. Understand that your partner’s choices is about them, and could never be a reflection of you, or your worth.

Trust Issues

September 22, 2018September 22, 2018 truthaboutlove13

What’s a relationship without trust? It’s impossible to be happy with someone when your thoughts are constantly driven away by negative thoughts of your partner with someone else. It’s common, very common, in fact, in most relationships.

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Trust issues drive you crazy. They do. You could never be at peace. You constantly want to know what’s on your partner’s phone, where they are, and what they’re up to. But trust issues don’t just magically appear in a relationship, they often emerge from a fear of being hurt. Again.

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Many people may wonder, if you have trust issues, why not just walk away? It’s much harder than it seems. Once you’ve been hurt, and once you feel like you can no longer trust your partner, something in your heart keeps you holding on. You may feel like although they’ve messed up, everyone makes mistakes, and that they will change. Sadly, that is rarely the case.

Once you forgive someone for their mistakes, it is likely they will do it again. Once your partner knows how forgiving and how weak your heart has become and the soft spot that you now have for them, they will take advantage. And they’ll keep going. And they’ll try to convince you that your trust issues come from an issue that you have within yourself because they could never take responsibility for the hurt and fear that they have caused you.

It’s always something.

With trust issues, you can’t even trust your partner at work. Isn’t that crazy? And sometimes your sixth sense won’t fail you. If your gut feeling is telling you something, believe it. Often times, it’s true. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve heard it all, and their all time favorite response is, “he/she’s just a friend/coworker”. Bullshit.

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Once you catch your partner in a lie. They’ll deny it. Trust me. They hate admitting their mistakes, and often they will play the role of victim. You could have pictures, or other types of proof for their lies, and still they’ll look you straight in your eye, and tell you “that’s not me”, or “that’s old”. They’ll do this so much, that you start to question yourself. And at that point, you don’t only have trust issues with your partner, but with yourself as well.

And despite it all, you still feel love. You catch yourself questioning whether it’s you that’s insane, or if your crazy thoughts are actually a reality.

It sucks. And it drives you insane. You sit in class and your mind wanders. Why would you live with that pain? Why do you want to constantly live in a state of paranoia? You’re doing it to yourself. Relationships WILL COME with trust issues. And the worst part of it is, that it could be years into a relationship. It doesn’t have to start right away. It could YEARS later. And all of a sudden five years into your relationship, you catch yourself questioning your partner. Something you may have never done before. And that’s why relationships suck so much. You never know when your partner will switch up on you, but it only takes a second for the trust you had for them to crumble to pieces.