It's Complicated

Final Warning

December 6, 2018 truthaboutlove13

So, lets finish this off.

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I’ve spent an entire semester discussing all the difficulties and headaches that come with being in a relationship, and hopefully I’ve been able to convince you all that:

Writing this blog was definitely an eye-opener because although I knew that relationships were difficult, bringing all the factors together was overwhelming as it made me realize how much I’ve adjusted my lifestyle because of my relationship and how much harm its cost who I truly am.

When I first started my blog, I was a little worried that I would run out of things to talk about. But, every week I paid closer attention to all the issues that I face in my relationship and its become a topic that I can talk about for hours and hours. Each week a new thought and idea flew into my head seamlessly. Now, there are so many more issues that I can talk about and discuss when it comes to relationships, because in reality, they’re endless.

I hope that I didn’t discourage anyone from going out in the world and finding love, but I hope that my readers now understand that we must always have our guard up in order to stop our feelings from getting hurt because relationship issues are much than : trust, betrayal, revenge, cash, distraction, social media, the disagreements , the routines, meeting the family, and the memories. New issues emerge everyday! Things you wouldn’t even think of become issues in relationships. It’s ridiculous.

Looking back at all my previous posts, I can definitely say that it was a very fun experience. This is something I would’ve never found myself doing had it not been assigned to us at the beginning of the semester, and now almost at the end, I found myself enjoying every minute of it. The comments I received, and seeing how interested so many people were in relationships definitely inspired me to keep going, and to be completely truthful about everything I was writing because in reality, so many people could relate. I never expected to get all the support that I did in my blog. In fact, I remember talking to my professor when I handed in my blog proposal and telling him “They’re going to hate it”, but it all turned out great. Taking sensitive topics that many people avoid talking about was a challenge because you’re not always going to have people that agree with the things you say. Many people support love. Many people have found true love, and if you have, good for you. But even those perfect relationships have their issues. Low-key though.

Continue to focus on the important things in life. Relationships should be your peace, not your headache. Remember that no matter what relationship you are in, or with who, you’ll have some issues eventually, even if it’s a minor like you’re spending too much cash on this person. Go out and meet new people because real love will come to you, stop forcing these unnecessary relationships. And most importantly, always remember: It’s complicated.

But for now:

The Memories

December 1, 2018December 1, 2018 truthaboutlove13

The worst part about relationships is that once it’s over, you have to deal with the memories. You understand that ending the relationship was necessary, yet you can’t stop thinking about them. You’ve taken thousands of pictures, gone to hundreds of places, just simply done so much with this one person you no longer speak to and it’s a scary feeling. A person that once knew everything about you, is now a complete stranger. Memories can leave a person more hurt that they already are by constantly reminding them of how lonely they truly are.

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With the holidays approaching, it’s even worse. You remember yourself stressing over what gift to get your significant other last year, the cute holiday cards, your new year’s kiss, and now it’s all over. Instead, the holidays become an interrogation from your family members and friends of “what happened with ….”.

And for some odd reason snapchat’s recent update felt it was a good idea to come up with snapchat memories?? Terrible. Now everytime you go on the app you are constantly reminded of how happy you were with them 2 years ago, or even just last year. It’s torturous.

Memories are great and all, but they are difficult to deal with. Especially when you are trying to get over someone. You go to restaurants, movies, or any other place and you are reminded of the time you went to that exact place with your significant other. But now, you’re here alone, or even with friends or family, and it just doesn’t feel the same.

However, often times these memories lie. People often only remember the good in others, and forget how terrible the relationship truly was. Your photos don’t remind you of the miserable moments, instead they remind you only of the happy ones. STOP IT. Forget about it, delete the pictures, and avoid anything that will give you even the slightest feeling of regret as you reminisce.

The minute you let someone in is the minute that these memories will begin to form. But as fast as these memories form is as fast as these people walk out of your life… trust me. And it’s scary to think that two strangers knew everything about each other at a point, but that’s how relationships work. You let someone in, so that they can walk right out.

So, before opening up to someone, understand that once it’s over, the memories can haunt you. These memories prevent you from moving on, and sometimes simply deleting pictures won’t do much. These memories live with you, they are a part of you, and they will be for a very long time.

Don’t put yourself in a situation that can leave you reminiscing during the most unexpected moments. Holidays won’t feel the same. Parks won’t feel the same. Movies won’t feel the same. It’s a scary feeling, but it is definitely a real one. Understand that although relationships die out, the memories live on forever and unfortunately there’s not much that we can do to avoid it.

Meeting The Family

November 24, 2018 truthaboutlove13

With the holidays approaching, it’s necessary to discuss a very important part of a relationship: meeting the family!

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It’s all fun and games, until you find out that their family doesn’t like you. Luckily for me, I have never had this issue, but many of my friends have, and what I’ve seen from it, it can have a very negative impact on a relationship.

Everyone’s family is different. Meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s family can be a big eye-opener to your significant others values. It can either make you realize how much you love where they come from, or make you realize how much you don’t want to be part of their family long term. If this is the case RUN while you can.

Family is very important, you always have to remember this, even if your significant other tells you their family’s opinion is irrelevant, they’re LYING. Remember their family was there long before you were, so if it came down to you or them, they will choose them.

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Of course, we all want to spend the holidays with our significant other, but how could we if their family is a headache? We’d do anything for them to like us, we go out of our ways to impress them, as if our relationship was with them instead. I’ve seen my friends do so much for their significant other’s families and yet nothing seems to satisfy them. Once they’ve made up their mind about you, that’s pretty much it for you.

It’s not that you need their family’s approval to be happy in a relationship, but you’d hope that everyone gets along to build a more stress free relationship, and unfortunately that’s not always the case.

If your in laws don’t approve of you, they may begin to constantly point out some of your flaws to your partner which can ultimately alter the way they perceive you. Or even worse, cause a split in the relationship they have with their child. And you don’t want that either. So many times, meeting the family can lead to you finding it necessary to distance yourself from the relationship you have with them in order to save the other relationships in their life.

And it doesn’t even have to be that they don’t like you, it could be that you don’t like them. And yet, you have to pretend. You don’t ever want to make your partner have to choose between you and their family, they’ve been there for the beginning and they want to be a part of their life as bad as you do. But it’s certainly a very uncomfortable situation to be in.

It sucks. But meeting the family can be a very eye opening experience. You should never have to pretend to be someone else or change your personal habits to satisfy others, especially your in laws. You’d hope when you go meet them that they aren’t awful people but you never know what’s in store for you.

So if you haven’t already, good luck meeting the family this holiday season.

Happy Holidays !

It’s a Routine

November 9, 2018 truthaboutlove13

Eventually, most relationships become a routine. Especially after you’ve been in the relationship for so long. You know everything about one another, and many times, the excitement of it all dies out.

Everything in the relationships becomes so repetitive. The routined conversations, where you discuss the same things daily, the shows you watch, the date nights, the same good morning, and goodnight texts. It’s all the same. They’re boring. You’re stuck doing the same things with your significant other constantly, every day, every season. You’re bored. The honeymoon phase where both partners are completely head over heels, getting to know one another and exploring things together, doesn’t last forever. Unfortunately, in most cases it often dies out much sooner than you’d expect.

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And it’s a weird feeling because you love them, but it’s like there’s no excitement, You’re young and have so much left to live but now you’ve lived out the best parts of your love life. It’s like, what next? Comfort is the main reason for these routined relationships. Once there is comfort in a relationship, many times you or your significant other may feel as if there was no reason to try to make things exciting because in reality, what’s the point? I already have them.

Of course, it shouldn’t be like this, but in many cases it is! And there’s really not much you can do once your relationship has passed it’s peak. And it’s sweet yes, to feel at home with someone, but is it worth it? It could never be.

Once a relationship becomes this way, it only goes downhill from there. There’s many things that you wish you could do with friends but they may not be okay with your significant other. And you’re young and you hold yourself back because you don’t want to break this bond, but it feels like you’ve become a robot caged in a constant cycle of the SAME things.

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Especially at college level, I don’t think it should ever be okay for young individuals to become trapped in a relationship that prevents them from enjoying youth, which is suppose to be “the best years of your life”.

Never get stuck in the routines that are often unavoidable in many relationships. You already have a routined work or school schedule, why would you get involved in a relationship that will make the rest of your life a routine as well?

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It’s great to feel at home with someone, but never let the comfort keep you there. You can find comfort with family…adding a plus one is useless, and adds to the boredom. Many times this comfort prevents people from finding real happiness. Every day feels the same, and obviously, there’s nothing amusing about that. So prevent it, stay away from relationships that will make you feel caged. It’s not what life is about. I’ve seen it in my friends, I’ve seen it in myself. This repetition. There’s so much for the world to offer, and yet many people find themselves stuck.

Go out and live life differently everyday. The unexpected in life is what is remembered most. Enjoy yourself and have fun. But most importantly, avoid every routined relationship that crosses your way. `

Distraction

November 2, 2018 truthaboutlove13

Relationships are a total distraction. When you are in a relationship, you have to find time for one another. It’s a must. You’re in college and have exams coming up, but instead you’re getting ready for date night with your partner.

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It’s not that they force us to go with them, or to spend time with them. It’s that we want to, and because we want to, we begin to adjust our schedules in a way where we set out maybe TOO much time for these relationships, and this can have a very negative impact on our lives.

Your priorities begin to change. You’re a full time student, you may or may not be working a part-time, but you’re schedule is always busy. You may find yourself running out of time to do homework or study, but one never runs out of time to see their boo. Right?

I don’t know why it’s like that, but it is. There’s times where I know I should stay on campus to get work done, but I can’t get myself to do it. I’m distracted. I need to go back home. I need to find time for our weekend activities, knowing that I barely have time to get any work done.

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This is very common in relationships. I’ve seen it not only in myself, but in many of my friends as well. And it’s not even just about your schedule, it’s also about the fact that you constantly want to talk to them! So you sit in class on your phone the entire time texting them, not listening to a word that was said in lecture, but at least you went, right?

Sometimes all the work that has to be put in a relationship may distract one from achieving their ultimate goals. Many people don’t realize that if one’s partner’s goals does not match their own, it can most definitely bring a person off track. And this isn’t how it should be. We shouldn’t have to adjust our goals to satisfy the needs of others. However, in relationships, especially more serious once, you have to make compromises.

The best thing to do is to focus on yourself, and you can do so by staying away from relationships that can ultimately distract you from your priorities, like school. Don’t risk your GPA over someone who isn’t worth it or understanding. Don’t call out of work to hang out with your significant other . I’ve seen this WAY TOO MANY TIMES.

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Relationships will make you lose focus. One will become distracted without even noticing. You simply catch yourself doing things you normally wouldn’t and adjusting your schedule to fit that of your significant other. You want the same days off, if you attend them same school ,the same classes, it’s a lot to handle.

Don’t distract yourself from your goals for anyone. This can cause much more harm than you expect. But love makes you do crazy things and that’s why it’s best to stay away. Relationships are a terrible source of distraction, and sadly, they will always be.

No BOO season

October 27, 2018October 27, 2018 truthaboutlove13

With Halloween approaching, it’s only right to discuss the difficulties of being in a relationship during spooky season. It’s a headache. Avoid it.

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When you’re in a relationship, your partner, as well as the rest of society, expects you to match with your significant other. Because of this, you won’t always get to wear the costume that you want. You have to match. It’s irritating because for example, this year, I wanted to be the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz, but my boyfriend couldn’t agree with the theme. He wanted to be fortnite theme characters. What? Exactly.

eccac6f4e1edf0e6800769baaf573d25--lioness-costume-lion-costumes — My preference

fortnite-costumes-today-main-181005_cd7f5b986919d6db82a0ee97b026054e.fit-760w — His Preference

You have ideas in mind of things you want to be and what you want to dress up as, yet you can’t because you have to compromise with your partner. You must pick a theme where both of you agree on a costume, and trust me, it’s not an easy process.

It takes week for a couple to decide what to be for halloween. It is so common and expected for couples to match that halloween stores like Party City or Spirit Halloween have a just couples section.

Not only is finding a matching costume a struggle, but to your partner, some of your costume preferences may be too “showy” or “sexy” which brings up the argument of “you can’t wear that”.

It’s ridiculous because it’s taken way too serious. Halloween is supposed to be fun and a time where you come out of character dressing up with friends and everyone around you. Yet, when you’re in a relationship, halloween becomes a headache.

Moreover, halloween doesn’t only come with the difficulties of picking a costume that pleases you and your partner, but it also comes with this new trend of “spooky baskets”, pumpkin picking, haunted houses, etc. All these things that are extremely meaningless, have gained so much importance in relationships. A holiday that was simply about dressing up and horror has become a way to prove yourself in a relationship.

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For these past few weeks, I scroll down twitter and all I see is “ I want my boyfriend to get me a spooky basket” , “I made him a spooky basket”, “ I finally got a spooky basket”. Like what? Why is this even a thing? Halloween isn’t about these things, but in relationships, it is.

You need to prove yourself through these materialistic objects, even with a holiday that isn’t about gifting.

As long as you stay away from relationships, you can have a stress free halloween because that way nothing is expected from you. You can dress up as whoever you want without feeling the need to please anyone, you can save your money from all these spooky places they want you to attend, and you can save yourself from these ridiculous arguments of “I didn’t even get a spooky basket”. Relationships are always a headache, but when it comes to the holidays, it’s 10 times worse. Yes, even on halloween.

With that being said, Have a safe, and Happy Halloween!!!

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Post me

October 20, 2018October 20, 2018 truthaboutlove13

We live in a generation where social media is a huge part of our lives. We spend our days scrolling through instagram, snapchat, and twitter because it helps us keep up with the world around us.

Because social media has become such an important aspect of our lives, it becomes a very significant part of our relationships. Our partners constantly want to be posted. They want the world to know that you’re with them, and no one else. Social media has become such an important factor in relationships, that if you aren’t being posted, or you’re not posting your partner, that’s a sign of infidelity. It’s ridiculous.

What are you hiding? You don’t want them to see you with me? Why is your snapchat story on custom?

And it’s not even just about what you post and not post with social media, it’s the content you “like” or “favorite” and the friends you have on these apps.

“Why did you favorite that?” For some reason, in many relationships we think that everything our partner does is a sign for something else. It could be completely unrelated, yet we still seem to connect dots and make it an issue of the relationship. We have given social media so much importance to the point where you must limit yourself and the things you may like because it may offend your partner in one way or another.

Why would anyone want that? The hassle of having someone constantly go through your likes and comments and make remarks on each and every one of them is irritating. With this, an app that was meant as a distraction or a pass time has become a foundation for arguments.

We are no longer focused on the intimacy and reality of relationships, instead we’re focused on what’s on their instagram. Social media could never reflect reality. A couple can look completely happy online, and be constantly arguing in person, but people don’t see this. This is something we ignore. It’s not how we feel, it’s how people see us.

You favorite and you like things that you may find funny, or interesting. But in a relationship that’s an “excuse”.

You don’t need that. Trust me you don’t. Enjoy the resources available to you, like social media, as much as you possibly could without limiting yourself to anyone. Relationships will force you to use social media in ways you may have never wanted to. You used it for fun, now you have to use it to prove to your partner that you’re all about them. You use to post funny memes all over your instagram, now every other post must be about your partner. You custom your snapchat story so your mother doesn’t see you out drinking on a school night, but now you have to set your settings to “Everyone can view” to satisfy your partner’s wishes. You stop yourself before liking a picture from an old friend because your partner may or may not take it the wrong way. You never know.

Moreover, some LAME significant other with trust issues may even make you delete your social media accounts, and have one themselves behind your back. They may even ask you to delete certain pictures that to them may be “too revealing” of yourself. DO NOT prioritize one insecure person’s selfish needs. DO NOT stop posting certain pictures if that is what makes you happy.

Social media in relationships is taken way too serious. You must constantly give explanations for EVERY.LITTLE.THING. Don’t waste your time posting someone who will probably end up hurting you. Post yourself, and whatever else you want. Many relationships, if not all, will come with this hassle.

LIFE IS SHORT, POST THAT PIC. LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP.

Save the Cash

October 12, 2018October 12, 2018 truthaboutlove13

Before you decide you want to be in a relationship, think about your wallet. Being in a relationship, although it’s done out of “love”, will force you to spend money in amounts that you would never even normally spend on yourself. It’s crazy. You catch yourself asking for extra shifts at work because you saw something you want to buy your significant other. 40 hours a week is no longer enough. So you spend your days working like:

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As a college student, I think twice before swiping my card for a 4 for $4 meal at Wendy’s for myself. But, that instantly changes when it’s for someone you love.

One ice cream, becomes two icecreams. One lunch plate, becomes two lunch plates. One movie ticket, becomes two movie tickets. Your expenses multiply and your wallet will suffer. Spending recklessly for someone you love is normal. But is it really worth it?

No.

Relationships leave you heartbroken, and broke.

A netflix account isn’t enough. It’s only good for a while, and here and there on certain days. Your significant other will want to be taken out to the movies, restaurants, and you will constantly want to come up with different date ideas, even if you can’t really afford it. You sit on your bed scrolling through your bank account calculating how much money you’ll have left after your date night. You receive your work schedule and the first thing you begin to do is calculate the amount of hours you’re working, and how much you will make because now you have an extra bill. An expensive one.

You go to the mall to buy yourself a pair of shoes with your significant other and they say “ I like this shirt!”. You stop. You no longer want the shoes. You want/need to get them that shirt.

This is because we are no longer in control. Our mind starts working differently and we’re no longer our main priority. You try to do anything to make them happy and if that means spending your last dime on them, you will.

In relationships, people can no longer have a budget. Many relationships have lost their meaning, and are no longer about meaningful connections, words, and actions. It’s about who gets each other the better gift. It’s a competition.

You swipe your card left and right, restaurant to restaurant, movie to movie forgetting that at the end of the day you’re going to have $2.42 left in your bank account, that you will have to live on for the next week and a half. Now you have to starve yourself during your lunch break for 10 days straight. But hey, as long as he/she is happy. Right?

Although materialistic objects should never affect a relationship. They do. And It’s not that they’re asking you for these things, but because you want to do anything to satisfy them, you lose control. It’s better to stay away. Focus on you and understand that relationships WILL have you scared to look at your bank account.

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Even if you make enough money to take care of your own needs and your partners, it’s still a hassle. Give yourself a budget and save. Save that money and take a trip to a country you’ve been wanting to visit, alone! Or with friends even. Who needs a baecation? They’re double the cost, so going alone will benefit your pocket. As long as you stay away from relationships, you’ll stay debt free.

Remember: Catch flights, not feelings.

Revenge

October 7, 2018 truthaboutlove13

The worst part about relationships and betrayal is that it almost forces you to come out of character. When you have been hurt, you want the person who made you feel like that to experience the same hurt. So you plan and you contemplate.

You decide its best to take matters into your own hand because karma seems to be taking way too. Although it’s a pain you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy, for some reason, your heart almost forces you to act out and seek for ways for your pain to become theirs. It’s evil. Truly evil.

Thoughts like, what can I do? What’s the best way to hurt them? Mhm. They constantly run your mind. You begin to play with fire

You stop yourself, and think, I can’t do that. That’s not me. But even that won’t stop you from acts of rebellion.

So you do it. Your hurt forces you to come out of character. You do them exactly how they did you.

You’re just as bad as them. Many times we lose sight of our beliefs and morals because our hurt forces us to act in ways that would never cross our minds. After you act a certain way just to get revenge, many times it’ll leave you feeling much worse than you felt originally. It’s no longer a complicated relationship, where your partner is constantly messing up. It’s a cheating game.

Let’s play.

me-hes-playing-games-just-drop-him-inner-me-so-26589594 The moment where you begin to seek revenge, is the moment you lose everything. Let things go. Stay away from the relationship and simply walk away. Revenge is one acting out of anger. Many times, doing things you’ll regret. But, relationships will drive you to a mentality you never even knew you had. You’re angry and you’re upset and you don’t know how to control the situation. However, in seeking revenge you may feel a sense of power. You finally have control. Haha. It’s all in your head.

“While seeking revenge,

dig two graves – one for yourself”

-Douglas Horton

After you feel like you’ve gotten your revenge, you lay there and you think, was it worth it? Did coming out of character for your partner’s actions cause you any happiness? It’s already too late. You’re exactly like them. A mirror image. You’re no longer the victim.

It’s a terrible situation to be in. Trust me, stay away. Avoid it at all costs. As soon as you feel a relationship is almost forcing you to do things you would never normally do in the right state of mind, leave. Run, sis, run. It’s not a good feeling. It’s never a good idea to stoop down to someone’s level simply because you don’t agree with their actions. It’s hypocritical because at the end of the day, your hurt remains. What’s worse is the fact that although you’re sincerely hurt, it could never feel sincere because you have this “I did it too” mentality. You force yourself to believe that it’s ok. You’re even now.

Let karma take care of things. It’ll come to them. Revenge is never the answer. The best way to avoid it: stay away from your toxic relationship.

Betrayal

September 29, 2018September 29, 2018 truthaboutlove13

To feel like you have given someone your all, and it still wasn’t enough. It’s scary. It’s traumatizing. It’s a weird feeling because from that point on you begin to look at yourself different. And you begin to ask yourself questions that never crossed your mind, things such as: What was I missing?

The thing about betrayal is that often we find ways to blame ourselves. Many times, we begin to feel like our partners had a reason to do what they did. I can tell you that from experience. Five years into my relationship my partner cheated. And despite the fact that I knew that he messed up, I still found a way to convince myself that maybe it was the way I was acting. I thought to myself, maybe I argued too much and he finally hit his breaking point, or something along those lines. But what most people won’t accept is the fact that it is their partner’s fault. It has nothing to do with you. We often fall back into a trap of insecurities once we begin to find excuses for our partner’s actions.

Stop.

Accept the fact that they messed up, and stop looking for ways to convince yourself that you’re the one to blame.

Betrayal is always hard to understand. And the absolute worst part is that it comes from the person you confided in the most. You find out the person you trusted was keeping secrets all along and you ask yourself, who even is this person? When you think you know somebody, there’s always something that helps reveal their true colors. It hurts because it’s often unexpected. You begin to feel anger, resentment, and tears begin to fall out of your eyes in the most unexpected moments.

The agony of betrayal is often unbearable, and it is questionable whether there is a more brutal feeling. And sometimes, you feel like you’re finally over it. That you’ve overcome the situation, and suddenly, you’re broken again. You can go on pretending, but deep down in your heart, in your mind, your thoughts, your hurt, will always be there, and you will always remember.

Rising from betrayal may be the absolute hardest part. If this person felt I wasn’t good enough, who should I become? What can I do to make myself better? It hurts because at this point, you feel like you can never be your true self. You feel like that person wasn’t good enough. So you find ways to manipulate your character in a way where you begin to lose focus of your own identity because you are so determined to fit someone else’s standards.

And that’s not the way it should be. You shouldn’t feel like you have to be someone else in a relationship. Overcome betrayal without changing yourself. The problem was never you. Find a relationship that helps you grow, and not one that makes you question yourself by building blocks of insecurities. Understand that your partner’s choices is about them, and could never be a reflection of you, or your worth.