Romance – It's Complicated

The Memories

December 1, 2018December 1, 2018 truthaboutlove13

The worst part about relationships is that once it’s over, you have to deal with the memories. You understand that ending the relationship was necessary, yet you can’t stop thinking about them. You’ve taken thousands of pictures, gone to hundreds of places, just simply done so much with this one person you no longer speak to and it’s a scary feeling. A person that once knew everything about you, is now a complete stranger. Memories can leave a person more hurt that they already are by constantly reminding them of how lonely they truly are.

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With the holidays approaching, it’s even worse. You remember yourself stressing over what gift to get your significant other last year, the cute holiday cards, your new year’s kiss, and now it’s all over. Instead, the holidays become an interrogation from your family members and friends of “what happened with ….”.

And for some odd reason snapchat’s recent update felt it was a good idea to come up with snapchat memories?? Terrible. Now everytime you go on the app you are constantly reminded of how happy you were with them 2 years ago, or even just last year. It’s torturous.

Memories are great and all, but they are difficult to deal with. Especially when you are trying to get over someone. You go to restaurants, movies, or any other place and you are reminded of the time you went to that exact place with your significant other. But now, you’re here alone, or even with friends or family, and it just doesn’t feel the same.

However, often times these memories lie. People often only remember the good in others, and forget how terrible the relationship truly was. Your photos don’t remind you of the miserable moments, instead they remind you only of the happy ones. STOP IT. Forget about it, delete the pictures, and avoid anything that will give you even the slightest feeling of regret as you reminisce.

The minute you let someone in is the minute that these memories will begin to form. But as fast as these memories form is as fast as these people walk out of your life… trust me. And it’s scary to think that two strangers knew everything about each other at a point, but that’s how relationships work. You let someone in, so that they can walk right out.

So, before opening up to someone, understand that once it’s over, the memories can haunt you. These memories prevent you from moving on, and sometimes simply deleting pictures won’t do much. These memories live with you, they are a part of you, and they will be for a very long time.

Don’t put yourself in a situation that can leave you reminiscing during the most unexpected moments. Holidays won’t feel the same. Parks won’t feel the same. Movies won’t feel the same. It’s a scary feeling, but it is definitely a real one. Understand that although relationships die out, the memories live on forever and unfortunately there’s not much that we can do to avoid it.

Save the Cash

October 12, 2018October 12, 2018 truthaboutlove13

Before you decide you want to be in a relationship, think about your wallet. Being in a relationship, although it’s done out of “love”, will force you to spend money in amounts that you would never even normally spend on yourself. It’s crazy. You catch yourself asking for extra shifts at work because you saw something you want to buy your significant other. 40 hours a week is no longer enough. So you spend your days working like:

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As a college student, I think twice before swiping my card for a 4 for $4 meal at Wendy’s for myself. But, that instantly changes when it’s for someone you love.

One ice cream, becomes two icecreams. One lunch plate, becomes two lunch plates. One movie ticket, becomes two movie tickets. Your expenses multiply and your wallet will suffer. Spending recklessly for someone you love is normal. But is it really worth it?

No.

Relationships leave you heartbroken, and broke.

A netflix account isn’t enough. It’s only good for a while, and here and there on certain days. Your significant other will want to be taken out to the movies, restaurants, and you will constantly want to come up with different date ideas, even if you can’t really afford it. You sit on your bed scrolling through your bank account calculating how much money you’ll have left after your date night. You receive your work schedule and the first thing you begin to do is calculate the amount of hours you’re working, and how much you will make because now you have an extra bill. An expensive one.

You go to the mall to buy yourself a pair of shoes with your significant other and they say “ I like this shirt!”. You stop. You no longer want the shoes. You want/need to get them that shirt.

This is because we are no longer in control. Our mind starts working differently and we’re no longer our main priority. You try to do anything to make them happy and if that means spending your last dime on them, you will.

In relationships, people can no longer have a budget. Many relationships have lost their meaning, and are no longer about meaningful connections, words, and actions. It’s about who gets each other the better gift. It’s a competition.

You swipe your card left and right, restaurant to restaurant, movie to movie forgetting that at the end of the day you’re going to have $2.42 left in your bank account, that you will have to live on for the next week and a half. Now you have to starve yourself during your lunch break for 10 days straight. But hey, as long as he/she is happy. Right?

Although materialistic objects should never affect a relationship. They do. And It’s not that they’re asking you for these things, but because you want to do anything to satisfy them, you lose control. It’s better to stay away. Focus on you and understand that relationships WILL have you scared to look at your bank account.

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Even if you make enough money to take care of your own needs and your partners, it’s still a hassle. Give yourself a budget and save. Save that money and take a trip to a country you’ve been wanting to visit, alone! Or with friends even. Who needs a baecation? They’re double the cost, so going alone will benefit your pocket. As long as you stay away from relationships, you’ll stay debt free.

Remember: Catch flights, not feelings.

Betrayal

September 29, 2018September 29, 2018 truthaboutlove13

To feel like you have given someone your all, and it still wasn’t enough. It’s scary. It’s traumatizing. It’s a weird feeling because from that point on you begin to look at yourself different. And you begin to ask yourself questions that never crossed your mind, things such as: What was I missing?

The thing about betrayal is that often we find ways to blame ourselves. Many times, we begin to feel like our partners had a reason to do what they did. I can tell you that from experience. Five years into my relationship my partner cheated. And despite the fact that I knew that he messed up, I still found a way to convince myself that maybe it was the way I was acting. I thought to myself, maybe I argued too much and he finally hit his breaking point, or something along those lines. But what most people won’t accept is the fact that it is their partner’s fault. It has nothing to do with you. We often fall back into a trap of insecurities once we begin to find excuses for our partner’s actions.

Stop.

Accept the fact that they messed up, and stop looking for ways to convince yourself that you’re the one to blame.

Betrayal is always hard to understand. And the absolute worst part is that it comes from the person you confided in the most. You find out the person you trusted was keeping secrets all along and you ask yourself, who even is this person? When you think you know somebody, there’s always something that helps reveal their true colors. It hurts because it’s often unexpected. You begin to feel anger, resentment, and tears begin to fall out of your eyes in the most unexpected moments.

The agony of betrayal is often unbearable, and it is questionable whether there is a more brutal feeling. And sometimes, you feel like you’re finally over it. That you’ve overcome the situation, and suddenly, you’re broken again. You can go on pretending, but deep down in your heart, in your mind, your thoughts, your hurt, will always be there, and you will always remember.

Rising from betrayal may be the absolute hardest part. If this person felt I wasn’t good enough, who should I become? What can I do to make myself better? It hurts because at this point, you feel like you can never be your true self. You feel like that person wasn’t good enough. So you find ways to manipulate your character in a way where you begin to lose focus of your own identity because you are so determined to fit someone else’s standards.

And that’s not the way it should be. You shouldn’t feel like you have to be someone else in a relationship. Overcome betrayal without changing yourself. The problem was never you. Find a relationship that helps you grow, and not one that makes you question yourself by building blocks of insecurities. Understand that your partner’s choices is about them, and could never be a reflection of you, or your worth.