#lovesucks – It's Complicated

Final Warning

December 6, 2018 truthaboutlove13

So, lets finish this off.

tenor-6

I’ve spent an entire semester discussing all the difficulties and headaches that come with being in a relationship, and hopefully I’ve been able to convince you all that:

Writing this blog was definitely an eye-opener because although I knew that relationships were difficult, bringing all the factors together was overwhelming as it made me realize how much I’ve adjusted my lifestyle because of my relationship and how much harm its cost who I truly am.

When I first started my blog, I was a little worried that I would run out of things to talk about. But, every week I paid closer attention to all the issues that I face in my relationship and its become a topic that I can talk about for hours and hours. Each week a new thought and idea flew into my head seamlessly. Now, there are so many more issues that I can talk about and discuss when it comes to relationships, because in reality, they’re endless.

I hope that I didn’t discourage anyone from going out in the world and finding love, but I hope that my readers now understand that we must always have our guard up in order to stop our feelings from getting hurt because relationship issues are much than : trust, betrayal, revenge, cash, distraction, social media, the disagreements , the routines, meeting the family, and the memories. New issues emerge everyday! Things you wouldn’t even think of become issues in relationships. It’s ridiculous.

Looking back at all my previous posts, I can definitely say that it was a very fun experience. This is something I would’ve never found myself doing had it not been assigned to us at the beginning of the semester, and now almost at the end, I found myself enjoying every minute of it. The comments I received, and seeing how interested so many people were in relationships definitely inspired me to keep going, and to be completely truthful about everything I was writing because in reality, so many people could relate. I never expected to get all the support that I did in my blog. In fact, I remember talking to my professor when I handed in my blog proposal and telling him “They’re going to hate it”, but it all turned out great. Taking sensitive topics that many people avoid talking about was a challenge because you’re not always going to have people that agree with the things you say. Many people support love. Many people have found true love, and if you have, good for you. But even those perfect relationships have their issues. Low-key though.

Continue to focus on the important things in life. Relationships should be your peace, not your headache. Remember that no matter what relationship you are in, or with who, you’ll have some issues eventually, even if it’s a minor like you’re spending too much cash on this person. Go out and meet new people because real love will come to you, stop forcing these unnecessary relationships. And most importantly, always remember: It’s complicated.

But for now:

Meeting The Family

November 24, 2018 truthaboutlove13

With the holidays approaching, it’s necessary to discuss a very important part of a relationship: meeting the family!

giphy

It’s all fun and games, until you find out that their family doesn’t like you. Luckily for me, I have never had this issue, but many of my friends have, and what I’ve seen from it, it can have a very negative impact on a relationship.

Everyone’s family is different. Meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s family can be a big eye-opener to your significant others values. It can either make you realize how much you love where they come from, or make you realize how much you don’t want to be part of their family long term. If this is the case RUN while you can.

Family is very important, you always have to remember this, even if your significant other tells you their family’s opinion is irrelevant, they’re LYING. Remember their family was there long before you were, so if it came down to you or them, they will choose them.

giphy-3

Of course, we all want to spend the holidays with our significant other, but how could we if their family is a headache? We’d do anything for them to like us, we go out of our ways to impress them, as if our relationship was with them instead. I’ve seen my friends do so much for their significant other’s families and yet nothing seems to satisfy them. Once they’ve made up their mind about you, that’s pretty much it for you.

It’s not that you need their family’s approval to be happy in a relationship, but you’d hope that everyone gets along to build a more stress free relationship, and unfortunately that’s not always the case.

If your in laws don’t approve of you, they may begin to constantly point out some of your flaws to your partner which can ultimately alter the way they perceive you. Or even worse, cause a split in the relationship they have with their child. And you don’t want that either. So many times, meeting the family can lead to you finding it necessary to distance yourself from the relationship you have with them in order to save the other relationships in their life.

And it doesn’t even have to be that they don’t like you, it could be that you don’t like them. And yet, you have to pretend. You don’t ever want to make your partner have to choose between you and their family, they’ve been there for the beginning and they want to be a part of their life as bad as you do. But it’s certainly a very uncomfortable situation to be in.

It sucks. But meeting the family can be a very eye opening experience. You should never have to pretend to be someone else or change your personal habits to satisfy others, especially your in laws. You’d hope when you go meet them that they aren’t awful people but you never know what’s in store for you.

So if you haven’t already, good luck meeting the family this holiday season.

Happy Holidays !

Distraction

November 2, 2018 truthaboutlove13

Relationships are a total distraction. When you are in a relationship, you have to find time for one another. It’s a must. You’re in college and have exams coming up, but instead you’re getting ready for date night with your partner.

p8ZNhxP

It’s not that they force us to go with them, or to spend time with them. It’s that we want to, and because we want to, we begin to adjust our schedules in a way where we set out maybe TOO much time for these relationships, and this can have a very negative impact on our lives.

Your priorities begin to change. You’re a full time student, you may or may not be working a part-time, but you’re schedule is always busy. You may find yourself running out of time to do homework or study, but one never runs out of time to see their boo. Right?

I don’t know why it’s like that, but it is. There’s times where I know I should stay on campus to get work done, but I can’t get myself to do it. I’m distracted. I need to go back home. I need to find time for our weekend activities, knowing that I barely have time to get any work done.

giphy-10

This is very common in relationships. I’ve seen it not only in myself, but in many of my friends as well. And it’s not even just about your schedule, it’s also about the fact that you constantly want to talk to them! So you sit in class on your phone the entire time texting them, not listening to a word that was said in lecture, but at least you went, right?

Sometimes all the work that has to be put in a relationship may distract one from achieving their ultimate goals. Many people don’t realize that if one’s partner’s goals does not match their own, it can most definitely bring a person off track. And this isn’t how it should be. We shouldn’t have to adjust our goals to satisfy the needs of others. However, in relationships, especially more serious once, you have to make compromises.

The best thing to do is to focus on yourself, and you can do so by staying away from relationships that can ultimately distract you from your priorities, like school. Don’t risk your GPA over someone who isn’t worth it or understanding. Don’t call out of work to hang out with your significant other . I’ve seen this WAY TOO MANY TIMES.

love-is-temporary-gpa-is-forever

Relationships will make you lose focus. One will become distracted without even noticing. You simply catch yourself doing things you normally wouldn’t and adjusting your schedule to fit that of your significant other. You want the same days off, if you attend them same school ,the same classes, it’s a lot to handle.

Don’t distract yourself from your goals for anyone. This can cause much more harm than you expect. But love makes you do crazy things and that’s why it’s best to stay away. Relationships are a terrible source of distraction, and sadly, they will always be.

Revenge

October 7, 2018 truthaboutlove13

The worst part about relationships and betrayal is that it almost forces you to come out of character. When you have been hurt, you want the person who made you feel like that to experience the same hurt. So you plan and you contemplate.

You decide its best to take matters into your own hand because karma seems to be taking way too. Although it’s a pain you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy, for some reason, your heart almost forces you to act out and seek for ways for your pain to become theirs. It’s evil. Truly evil.

Thoughts like, what can I do? What’s the best way to hurt them? Mhm. They constantly run your mind. You begin to play with fire

You stop yourself, and think, I can’t do that. That’s not me. But even that won’t stop you from acts of rebellion.

So you do it. Your hurt forces you to come out of character. You do them exactly how they did you.

You’re just as bad as them. Many times we lose sight of our beliefs and morals because our hurt forces us to act in ways that would never cross our minds. After you act a certain way just to get revenge, many times it’ll leave you feeling much worse than you felt originally. It’s no longer a complicated relationship, where your partner is constantly messing up. It’s a cheating game.

Let’s play.

me-hes-playing-games-just-drop-him-inner-me-so-26589594 The moment where you begin to seek revenge, is the moment you lose everything. Let things go. Stay away from the relationship and simply walk away. Revenge is one acting out of anger. Many times, doing things you’ll regret. But, relationships will drive you to a mentality you never even knew you had. You’re angry and you’re upset and you don’t know how to control the situation. However, in seeking revenge you may feel a sense of power. You finally have control. Haha. It’s all in your head.

“While seeking revenge,

dig two graves – one for yourself”

-Douglas Horton

After you feel like you’ve gotten your revenge, you lay there and you think, was it worth it? Did coming out of character for your partner’s actions cause you any happiness? It’s already too late. You’re exactly like them. A mirror image. You’re no longer the victim.

It’s a terrible situation to be in. Trust me, stay away. Avoid it at all costs. As soon as you feel a relationship is almost forcing you to do things you would never normally do in the right state of mind, leave. Run, sis, run. It’s not a good feeling. It’s never a good idea to stoop down to someone’s level simply because you don’t agree with their actions. It’s hypocritical because at the end of the day, your hurt remains. What’s worse is the fact that although you’re sincerely hurt, it could never feel sincere because you have this “I did it too” mentality. You force yourself to believe that it’s ok. You’re even now.

Let karma take care of things. It’ll come to them. Revenge is never the answer. The best way to avoid it: stay away from your toxic relationship.

Betrayal

September 29, 2018September 29, 2018 truthaboutlove13

To feel like you have given someone your all, and it still wasn’t enough. It’s scary. It’s traumatizing. It’s a weird feeling because from that point on you begin to look at yourself different. And you begin to ask yourself questions that never crossed your mind, things such as: What was I missing?

The thing about betrayal is that often we find ways to blame ourselves. Many times, we begin to feel like our partners had a reason to do what they did. I can tell you that from experience. Five years into my relationship my partner cheated. And despite the fact that I knew that he messed up, I still found a way to convince myself that maybe it was the way I was acting. I thought to myself, maybe I argued too much and he finally hit his breaking point, or something along those lines. But what most people won’t accept is the fact that it is their partner’s fault. It has nothing to do with you. We often fall back into a trap of insecurities once we begin to find excuses for our partner’s actions.

Stop.

Accept the fact that they messed up, and stop looking for ways to convince yourself that you’re the one to blame.

Betrayal is always hard to understand. And the absolute worst part is that it comes from the person you confided in the most. You find out the person you trusted was keeping secrets all along and you ask yourself, who even is this person? When you think you know somebody, there’s always something that helps reveal their true colors. It hurts because it’s often unexpected. You begin to feel anger, resentment, and tears begin to fall out of your eyes in the most unexpected moments.

The agony of betrayal is often unbearable, and it is questionable whether there is a more brutal feeling. And sometimes, you feel like you’re finally over it. That you’ve overcome the situation, and suddenly, you’re broken again. You can go on pretending, but deep down in your heart, in your mind, your thoughts, your hurt, will always be there, and you will always remember.

Rising from betrayal may be the absolute hardest part. If this person felt I wasn’t good enough, who should I become? What can I do to make myself better? It hurts because at this point, you feel like you can never be your true self. You feel like that person wasn’t good enough. So you find ways to manipulate your character in a way where you begin to lose focus of your own identity because you are so determined to fit someone else’s standards.

And that’s not the way it should be. You shouldn’t feel like you have to be someone else in a relationship. Overcome betrayal without changing yourself. The problem was never you. Find a relationship that helps you grow, and not one that makes you question yourself by building blocks of insecurities. Understand that your partner’s choices is about them, and could never be a reflection of you, or your worth.

Trust Issues

September 22, 2018September 22, 2018 truthaboutlove13

What’s a relationship without trust? It’s impossible to be happy with someone when your thoughts are constantly driven away by negative thoughts of your partner with someone else. It’s common, very common, in fact, in most relationships.

tenor

Trust issues drive you crazy. They do. You could never be at peace. You constantly want to know what’s on your partner’s phone, where they are, and what they’re up to. But trust issues don’t just magically appear in a relationship, they often emerge from a fear of being hurt. Again.

980x

Many people may wonder, if you have trust issues, why not just walk away? It’s much harder than it seems. Once you’ve been hurt, and once you feel like you can no longer trust your partner, something in your heart keeps you holding on. You may feel like although they’ve messed up, everyone makes mistakes, and that they will change. Sadly, that is rarely the case.

Once you forgive someone for their mistakes, it is likely they will do it again. Once your partner knows how forgiving and how weak your heart has become and the soft spot that you now have for them, they will take advantage. And they’ll keep going. And they’ll try to convince you that your trust issues come from an issue that you have within yourself because they could never take responsibility for the hurt and fear that they have caused you.

It’s always something.

With trust issues, you can’t even trust your partner at work. Isn’t that crazy? And sometimes your sixth sense won’t fail you. If your gut feeling is telling you something, believe it. Often times, it’s true. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve heard it all, and their all time favorite response is, “he/she’s just a friend/coworker”. Bullshit.

trust-issues-

Once you catch your partner in a lie. They’ll deny it. Trust me. They hate admitting their mistakes, and often they will play the role of victim. You could have pictures, or other types of proof for their lies, and still they’ll look you straight in your eye, and tell you “that’s not me”, or “that’s old”. They’ll do this so much, that you start to question yourself. And at that point, you don’t only have trust issues with your partner, but with yourself as well.

And despite it all, you still feel love. You catch yourself questioning whether it’s you that’s insane, or if your crazy thoughts are actually a reality.

It sucks. And it drives you insane. You sit in class and your mind wanders. Why would you live with that pain? Why do you want to constantly live in a state of paranoia? You’re doing it to yourself. Relationships WILL COME with trust issues. And the worst part of it is, that it could be years into a relationship. It doesn’t have to start right away. It could YEARS later. And all of a sudden five years into your relationship, you catch yourself questioning your partner. Something you may have never done before. And that’s why relationships suck so much. You never know when your partner will switch up on you, but it only takes a second for the trust you had for them to crumble to pieces.