#betrayal – It's Complicated

The worst part about relationships and betrayal is that it almost forces you to come out of character. When you have been hurt, you want the person who made you feel like that to experience the same hurt. So you plan and you contemplate.

You decide its best to take matters into your own hand because karma seems to be taking way too. Although it’s a pain you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy, for some reason, your heart almost forces you to act out and seek for ways for your pain to become theirs. It’s evil. Truly evil.

Thoughts like, what can I do? What’s the best way to hurt them? Mhm. They constantly run your mind. You begin to play with fire

You stop yourself, and think, I can’t do that. That’s not me. But even that won’t stop you from acts of rebellion.

So you do it. Your hurt forces you to come out of character. You do them exactly how they did you.

You’re just as bad as them. Many times we lose sight of our beliefs and morals because our hurt forces us to act in ways that would never cross our minds. After you act a certain way just to get revenge, many times it’ll leave you feeling much worse than you felt originally. It’s no longer a complicated relationship, where your partner is constantly messing up. It’s a cheating game.

Let’s play.

me-hes-playing-games-just-drop-him-inner-me-so-26589594 The moment where you begin to seek revenge, is the moment you lose everything. Let things go. Stay away from the relationship and simply walk away. Revenge is one acting out of anger. Many times, doing things you’ll regret. But, relationships will drive you to a mentality you never even knew you had. You’re angry and you’re upset and you don’t know how to control the situation. However, in seeking revenge you may feel a sense of power. You finally have control. Haha. It’s all in your head.

“While seeking revenge,

dig two graves – one for yourself”

-Douglas Horton

After you feel like you’ve gotten your revenge, you lay there and you think, was it worth it? Did coming out of character for your partner’s actions cause you any happiness? It’s already too late. You’re exactly like them. A mirror image. You’re no longer the victim.

It’s a terrible situation to be in. Trust me, stay away. Avoid it at all costs. As soon as you feel a relationship is almost forcing you to do things you would never normally do in the right state of mind, leave. Run, sis, run. It’s not a good feeling. It’s never a good idea to stoop down to someone’s level simply because you don’t agree with their actions. It’s hypocritical because at the end of the day, your hurt remains. What’s worse is the fact that although you’re sincerely hurt, it could never feel sincere because you have this “I did it too” mentality. You force yourself to believe that it’s ok. You’re even now.

Let karma take care of things. It’ll come to them. Revenge is never the answer. The best way to avoid it: stay away from your toxic relationship.

To feel like you have given someone your all, and it still wasn’t enough. It’s scary. It’s traumatizing. It’s a weird feeling because from that point on you begin to look at yourself different. And you begin to ask yourself questions that never crossed your mind, things such as: What was I missing?

The thing about betrayal is that often we find ways to blame ourselves. Many times, we begin to feel like our partners had a reason to do what they did. I can tell you that from experience. Five years into my relationship my partner cheated. And despite the fact that I knew that he messed up, I still found a way to convince myself that maybe it was the way I was acting. I thought to myself, maybe I argued too much and he finally hit his breaking point, or something along those lines. But what most people won’t accept is the fact that it is their partner’s fault. It has nothing to do with you. We often fall back into a trap of insecurities once we begin to find excuses for our partner’s actions.

Stop.

Accept the fact that they messed up, and stop looking for ways to convince yourself that you’re the one to blame.

Betrayal is always hard to understand. And the absolute worst part is that it comes from the person you confided in the most. You find out the person you trusted was keeping secrets all along and you ask yourself, who even is this person? When you think you know somebody, there’s always something that helps reveal their true colors. It hurts because it’s often unexpected. You begin to feel anger, resentment, and tears begin to fall out of your eyes in the most unexpected moments.

The agony of betrayal is often unbearable, and it is questionable whether there is a more brutal feeling. And sometimes, you feel like you’re finally over it. That you’ve overcome the situation, and suddenly, you’re broken again. You can go on pretending, but deep down in your heart, in your mind, your thoughts, your hurt, will always be there, and you will always remember.

Rising from betrayal may be the absolute hardest part. If this person felt I wasn’t good enough, who should I become? What can I do to make myself better? It hurts because at this point, you feel like you can never be your true self. You feel like that person wasn’t good enough. So you find ways to manipulate your character in a way where you begin to lose focus of your own identity because you are so determined to fit someone else’s standards.

And that’s not the way it should be. You shouldn’t feel like you have to be someone else in a relationship. Overcome betrayal without changing yourself. The problem was never you. Find a relationship that helps you grow, and not one that makes you question yourself by building blocks of insecurities. Understand that your partner’s choices is about them, and could never be a reflection of you, or your worth.